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Once upon a time there was a man who lost his love of driving and sold up all his nice cars - all the ones that went brmm brmm anyway - and bought himself a very practical Hyundai 4x4 thingy so that he could go anywhere, anytime, any weather. The Hyundai wasn’t very pretty and wasn’t very fast but it could go anywhere, any time, any weather and was very comfortable - a bit like waterproof trousers.

Then two things happened: first the weather started getting warmer, the sea levels rose, people started getting bitten by mosquitoes in Surrey and the snow disappeared. People who had 2x2s felt rather superior as they went far further on a gallon of petrol than their 4x4 mates and there was very little risk of getting stuck in the snow as there was even less risk of snow than ever before except in America where they usually get what they deserve. Then, just before Christmas, as the nice Mr Cameron was warning us of red lights showing on the dashboard of the economy, a series of red lights started showing on the dashboard of the Hyundai. Expert analysis showed that just as the economy was a tad wobbly because of Mr Putin and the drop off in plate smashing in Greek restaurants all over Europe, the Hyundai had become a tad wobbly because the hydraulics and pump that controlled the stability control, ABS and the disc brakes of the Hyundai had been asked to leave the EU and had gone on hunger strike.

Perplexed, the mechanics who were drafted in to examine the problem chose, instead, to go home for Christmas and to forget about it altogether until the New Year. When they were all sober again, they took another look and said, “Yup, that’s the problem, it needs a whole new assembly which will cost £3,168 but probably more in Korean money and certainly a lot more in Euros so that number is possibly not as bad as it first sounds.”

When the man who had lost his love of cars managed to get to his feet, he felt the pressing need to sit down. Thankfully, when he’d bought the Hyundai from the nice people - not actually Korean but from Stratford upon Avon - he’d thoughtfully negotiated a two year extended warranty. The nice but not Korean people examined the warranty from every angle and then pronounced that, as it had a claim limit of £2,000, someone somewhere would have to find the remaining £1,168 but they’d try to get it down to £1,000 because that was a nice round number.

The moral of this story is actually twofold: first - if you ever buy a car that’s not new but looks new and is trying to get you to take it home, always negotiate an extra warranty and second, it’s almost certainly better to lease and not buy and always keep the leasing period within the manufacturer’s warranty terms.

I would go on but now need to stand around on street corners saying goodnight to sailors in an attempt to raise a nice round number by 5.00 pm.